Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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