this beer tastes like vomit already
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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