I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
