Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
As shirtless as possible
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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