sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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