I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
