I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize