just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
