Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
