we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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