There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
