I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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