I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
