Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
