Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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