I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
