would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
