I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
