you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
