i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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