wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
