Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize