evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
