just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
