Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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