It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize