But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Bring me that man meat
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
