Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
