so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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