Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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