State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
