He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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