Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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