i was born a porn star she said
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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