I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
