why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
