I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
