We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
