There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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