That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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