You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
