Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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