what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
