Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
