y did u give ur computer a hand job?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
