If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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