I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
