They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
