You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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