My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
