I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
