My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
