I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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