My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
