I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
