This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
