How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
