Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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