I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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