It's Friday. Sex?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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