so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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