dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
