It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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