Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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