i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
