I wanna bring you to show and tell
actually, I'm a sock model
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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