I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
